Me and My Music

Rap just sucks, plain and simple

I watched the Grammys Sunday — not that anyone cares.

But if you ask me, it was gauche. LL Cool J reminded us why he should stick to bodybuilding, or whatever makes him so muscular.

Taylor Swift reminded us why her exes probably would never ever want to get back together with her, either.

Chris Brown reminded us that you can beat the hell out of a woman and still get nominated for a Grammy four years later.

I don’t understand our culture’s morbid obsession with awful music. I don’t understand why we worship these stodgy, talentless clowns. I don’t understand how we listen to their disgusting lyrics and then rationally admire them, whether it’s by following them on Twitter or purchasing their songs on iTunes (or converting them from YouTube).

Sure, it isn’t all of them, but it’s most of them. Music is something that is subjective, and I understand that. In terms of taste, it differs from generation to generation, from society to society and even from race to race.

Like Obama’s view on gay marriage, it’s constantly evolving — which we can all be thankful for.

Soon, Fun. will disappear like the Jonas Brothers, Rihanna will be the next Whitney Houston and Drake will return to acting or high school, whichever comes first.

Without war, anti-war activists would have absolutely nothing to whine about, and I feel the same way about music: Without it, I would have nothing or nobody to make fun of.

Like I said earlier, music is relative, and therefore it’s impossible to define what objectively sounds the best.

For example, I could argue that Jimmy Page played the best guitar solo of all time in “Stairway to Heaven,” but somebody else may say that it was Jimi Hendrix’s solo in “All Along the Watchtower,” Eddie Van Halen’s in “Eruption” or neither of the three.

But if there is something that we can all agree is the best, it’s this: the content of the lyrics. No one can deny that Bob Dylan, according to Rolling Stone readers, was the best songwriters of all time. Meanwhile, everyone can admit that the rap industry is characterized by some of the most inarticulate and unintelligible lyricists who confuse clever wordplay and humorous puns for childish metaphors and lay-z innuendos.

I’ll be honest with you. I can’t stand rap. I believe that it is the most profligate and ignoble profession of all.

Rappers spew filth and objectify women. They glorify violence and promote drug use. Paradoxically, they are the most outspoken about the War in Iraq and women’s rights — and so are their listeners.

There’s nothing that I enjoy more than the feminist who bops her head to sexist lyrics or the lefty who listens to filthy, untalented thugs. These are the same people who criticized Todd Akin because he said “legitimate rape” and chided Mitt Romney because he mentioned “binders full of women.”

If only Romney had sang it, featuring rapper Akin, then he would have been a potential nominee Sunday night at the Grammys. And maybe he would be our president.

Their freedom to express themselves trumps the negative influence their songs have on teenagers and the college-aged.

If we have the power to tax carbon monoxide emissions or to socialize health care, then wouldn’t it make sense to regulate their morally repugnant verbiage by tacking on a surcharge every time they sing something obscene, or make some idiotic reference to the Illuminati — whatever that is.

I’m certainly joking, but imagine how many Planned Parenthood clinics would lose business if teenagers weren’t manipulated by disparaging, undereducated pigs who encouraged fans to sleep around, mistreat women and, uh, vote for the current president.

Does that make me out of touch?

Erik Skipper is an economics sophomore at UF. His column runs Wednesdays. You can contact him via opinions@alligator.org.

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3 responses

  1. Nathan Torres

    I would like to be probably not the first who sees this mans point of view,. its relevant and he has some good opinions of what so called, Music is, Namely Rap,. If you were born in the 80’s like I am , these days I believe thats not rap. ALl bout the dollar dollar bill yo right.? truth be told my 11 year old niece amazes me that she jams out the that dam song by some balloon head called ” talk dirty to me ” This is the influence your kids have in a world they have yet to understand., Please I appreciate your thoughts on this matter

    February 2, 2014 at 8:25 pm

  2. I think it’s painting in pretty broad strokes to say something like “rap sucks”. Black Sabbath won a Grammy at that same show, and when’s the last time they put out a relevant album? I’d argue that it’s been decades. But this doesn’t make me say “metal sucks”. The Grammy’s are geared towards a mass audience, and mass audiences aren’t usually very appreciative of boundary pushers. There are plenty of artists in every genre taking their craft seriously and pushing the envelope of what their art can do, and they’re not often in the spotlight. There are also plenty of hacks, often in the spotlight, making it tough for them.

    February 7, 2014 at 8:15 am

  3. I completely agree with what you are saying about the way most rap lyrics are saying bad things and earn money because of these things. Which is awful. Not all rap is that way but most of it is and it is sad. Music is a medium to get a certain views across. What it really comes down to is Freedom of Speech. We don’t have to listen to it but they have the right to be able to say they want. We as mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles… Have be proactive and sit with our children and explain to them why music like that is wrong, why it shouldn’t be listened to. Then maybe they will understand that music isn’t something they want to be a part of. A child doesn’t understand why they like it, it just has a cool beat. I don’t listen to rap nor do my children because of those reasons because I talk to them. Although I will give good written lyrics a chance even if it is a rap song. All music is a form of art and that is in the eye of the beholder. I also don’t give the Grammy’s the time of day. The Grammy’s are awards for the big wigs to give to themselves and the people they fund. Its for the top few. Not for actual musicians that work hard. For some it is and its because they worked hard to get it. I don’t buy it. Most of the music at the Grammy’s is awful and baffles me why what appears to be so many people like that crap. Most of the music there is factory made, Wal-Mart, Burger King music, that so many people have their hands into its not music anymore and definitely not what the “artist” has done. Its all smoke and mirrors. I feel bad for the kids growing up in these times because they don’t know what music is. I feel its a parent or family member’s job to inform the kid and guide them into the right direction. Its our job to protect them from what is out there. It is supposed to be a “free country”, even though it doesn’t appear to be, that means Freedom of Speech. We have to protect ourselves and family to what is out there.

    February 9, 2014 at 12:59 am

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